Its not the End just the Beginning

So this week I've been crying my eyes out in my room over the fact that all these great things are ending. The back story is this on Thursday the crowded hallways were filled with yearbooks and in every class someone had one, and the smell of a new book would be wafted in my nose! UGH! I'm on the fence about yearbooks. I mean the good side is that you can reflect back on the year, and see what people meant to others, or how many friends you've made, and its great to read what people think of you. However, like all great things there is a dark side to them. For yearbooks its clearly this the year has ended, we've gone through another year and at one point the security blanket of family and friends is going to end at some point. Meaning graduation! I mean I don't want to graduate because I'll have to move on from what I know and leave my friends and family for something better and my dreams. Yet I want to get school over with and be on my own and be done with all things high school, and family. Problem is I don't know what I want, there are so many things that appeal to me that are so different from each other. I love acting and dancing and I'm aware I can't live off of that but I also love photograph, becoming a teacher, maybe dabble in psychology or becoming a doctor, and even writing I mean I like it. But, I even think it's so crazy that my classmates, at the age of 15, have the idea actually more like detailed plan of where they want to go for college and what they want to do afterwards like with their life of where they're living. I just don't know, and I practically thrive on being prepared and when it comes, I just won't be. Yet, my teacher told me to have a back-up plan, what if all your back-up plans fail and what are you left with, nothing. I don't want to be left with nothing, but something tells me I won't be and things will be alright. Like the light will shine through and will conquer all of my fears and will engulf me in comfort. I mean I guess I'm just afraid of failure and not being prepared for once in my life. I'll admit I am a control freak, there I've said it, I just want to control how my life will be even though I know no one really is. I mean life is hard and this cliche is what I've been hearing a lot lately and I've become convinced.

However, this week has have a better and brighter side of things. Today was Adopt-a-senior Day! I adopted my friend Michael and I made him wear a coconut bra with leas and be my little hula-girl. It was beyond enjoyable and the best piece of news to vanquish all of the overwhelming feelings. Plus I'm Sophomore Class Treasurer! The best news in the beginning of the week! I successfully defeated my opponent and his clever coin candy! I received the news in my English class and went down to the room in which all of the candidates where held and they told us class by class. Oh and even better when I walked back into my class and I told them my exciting news I gave them my "queen wave," my teacher even commented on how much she loved it and my "queen smile." So all these good things have successfully dominated all these bad feelings about the school year.

Anyway, I have no plans for the summer, but I know what I want to do. Maybe take some sewing classes and save money on buying clothes, I know my mom would appreciate that, and go to this huge, important, and great dance camp all the way in New York. However, I do have this English summer assignment to do for Honors in which I'll later have this totally crazy yet cool teacher. My only official plans are this SCA retreat in August, hanging out with my friends as much as I can, eating healthy and exercising I don't want to gain any more weight. Besides my mom really wants to take me to an island or something like the Bahamas or Jamaica. So that might be in store along with this music festival! So I may actually have plans, which I love! Oh and I'll be getting my driver's permit. That's huge! Soon I'll be able to drive on my own and won't be down on my knees begging my brother to take me somewhere, or pick me up at some place. He tends to complain a lot about that stuff and I hear it every single time for about five minutes, but then he'll get distracted with a elaborate car on the road. I just know I won't let this summer go to waste like my last ones, I'm going to take advantage of the few I have left as a teenager.

Anyway I really wanted to post something because the Tyra Show was ending today and Tyra Banks, a very influential celebrity, kept on saying, "it's not the end; its just the beginning of something great, and better." So that's what I'll be and have been thinking about for the next and past few days, and will around this time for the next few years. "It's not the end; just the beginning." I've been thinking about another beginning of a new title page. I don't appeal to me the NOMAD anymore. It doesn't describe me, and besides I don't completely feel that way anymore. I feel attached to the school now because of Drama, it's the best thing and my Drama teacher told me he didn't see me on the roster for next year's Technical Theatre, but he got rid of other students who would either be useless, destructive, or a waste of space. I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'll be the next one on that list, I want all Theater next year because it's the best, I just love it! Anyway, I'm trying to think of cool ideas for the title, like Neon Tiger, or Neon Spaceman, or Spaceman of the Earth, or Dustland Field, Dustland Fairytale, or Shadows of the Dustland, or just plain Dustland. I mean I'm brainstorming very quickly right now of ideas. But I want to still try and collaborate nomad with it. Maybe, I really don't know, actually I doubt it, but I just know I need a change in small and appealing amounts.

So Love & New Beginnings,
justBEE

Perchance to live

Let me just apologize in advance how I've been such a spaz for not blogging in the past month or so, but I really wanted to put pictures up of myself. I figured I'ld kill two birds with one stone so here is the real me....





My title picture isn't real ME, I just really love converse and saw this picture and had to use it. So sorry that I've been dishonest but I actually found time to take pictures today since school has been crazy, but I still have homework to finish. However the lovely girl beside me is my friend Ikram who will be participating in chictopia with me, just today was so busy and short that we really couldn't do much. However I met her family and they are so cute and crazy, I love that i find out she speaks three languages about 3 years after I've known her. . . like she said, "You're just slow." I was completely fascinated with her ethnicity I just thought it was different but in a good way.

Ok first Forge play was so great! I loved the experience and the people, did I mention I was one of the three freshmen to be in the play everyone thought I was a sophmore or junior which I thought was cool. It was just crazy and everyone loved me in it. I don't want to blow my own horn, but I was pretty good. . . so was everyone else. The biggest night we had was 270, times that by five and thats how much Forge Drama made on the opening night! We were awesome I'll have to post pictures of it later if I can find any. I made so many friends and it was so cool how the upper-classmen were really nice to me since I wasn't so crazy as this other freshmen. I can't wait for the next one I finally feel like I belong somewhere, but it just doesn't feel like home yet, I've figured out I belong best on the stage.

Then the following week I had a bunch of tests and homework to study for and couldn't think of a single place to take photos. I should be studying for one right now, but I hate the grammar part of spanish I love the entire learning how to speak another language. Oh but great news I'm running for Sophmore Class Treasurer. My competition is this boy in my geometery class who is the defintion of smart, but i plan to use my friends to lobby for me and my 20 flyers. Seriously we can only put 20 flyers around the whole school, how am I suppose to get my name out to the other rising sophmores with 20 flyers! I'm still trying to think of an awesome design with this neon green paper to catch peoples attention. But all I know is I want to CRUSH the competition! I don't know but I just like politics its one of the many things that fascinate me.

I'll try to be a good girl and actually post stuff of me and my fashion, I can only promise that I've recently purchased a bunch of cute things and I'm about to order some things from urban outfitters and f21 just to keep my closet growing. My dad will hate it since I can't even keep my room clean now from all the clothes I already own. But he isn't a teenage girl to understand how important clothes and fastion are to me. So I'll try to post more pictures of me.

so Love & Fascination
justBEE